Fetishes are normally understood through several psychological theories, including Freudian theory, learning theory, and sexual imprinting. These theories suggest that fetishes may develop due to unresolved childhood conflicts, learned associations, or early childhood experiences.
But first, a quick recap —
In Freudian Theory, it is proposed that fetishes could stem from unresolved castration anxiety during childhood. He suggested that individuals might substitute a fetish object for some unattainable object, such as consistently denied mother’s breasts.
Learning Theory suggests that fetishes develop through conditioning. For instance, if a non-sexual stimulus is repeatedly paired with sexual arousal, it can become a fetishized through behavioral conditioning. This has been proven in research studies, and I have personally found this to be true by repeatedly causing a guy to orgasm during some fetish play he expressed only mild interest in, which is quickly reinforced.
Sexual Imprinting theory posits that humans learn what is sexually desirable during early childhood. One client told me that as a young child, he saw a movie about Aladdin, which featured the princess half naked in chains, and it triggered a lifelong fetish for bondage.
Also, some researchers have suggested that fetishes could be related to genetic predisposition, personality traits like sensation seeking, and even trauma can play a role in the development of fetishes.
Now, all of these theories are likely partially true, but my preferred theory is based on evolutionary psychology. This perspective offers a broader lens, suggesting that our sexual preferences, including those that manifest as fetishes, are ultimately shaped by natural selection. From an evolutionary standpoint, the primary drivers of sexual behavior are reproduction success in terms of the transmission of your genes.
One way evolutionary psychology can explain fetishes is by interpreting them as an amplification of signals related to reproductive fitness. For instance, a fetish for corsets, could be seen as an exaggerated preference for the ideal waist to hip ratio. Similarly, a fetish for feet or cunnilingus might indicate a susceptibility to pheromones and neurohormones emitted through the skin in some women.
By the way, in Chinese history, there was Imperial Consort from Uighur territory named Xiāng Fēi, meaning Fragrant Concubine, whose musky scent was reputed to drive men wild. How wild? The Emperor provided her with the highest status possible. built her a private palace with an oasis and a mosque, and promised to stop killing her people. I’m sure the kinky Emperor licked her feet every chance he could. The legend goes that she bathed daily in camel’s milk to preserve this rare sexual superpower.
So how can you expand your pleasure and your sense of fulfillment in life by leveraging this psychosexual knowledge? Well, here’s my advice which comes in five easy steps:
First, explore your fetishes, even if they are only mild, to see if you can increase your passion. Many men limit their pleasure to perform better, so stop trying to impress, and open yourself up to be more receptive to bliss. I know this because I watch men during different sexual activities, and I never see uncontrolled moaning and groaning like I do when a man finallly gives into their secret fetish or guilty pleasure.
Second, check out which of the six primal sexual languages your brain prefers, by reading this: https://missyumiyang.nl/?p=807
Third, expand your appreciation of sex – and increase the use of your whole brain as a sexual process – by writing poetry about it: https://missyumiyang.nl/?p=673
Fourth, start compiling a sensual/sexual bucket list. This should be kept secret, and let it include your wildest fantasies, dreams, desires or fetishes. Things you feel shy or guilty about, limiting only to those that are consensual pleasures, should be included. Put the ones with the most psycho-emotive charge at the top of the list. Learn more here: https://missyumiyang.nl/?p=1425
Finally, go have a threesome if you’ve never done one before, this is the fastest way to break into unexplored psychosexual territories for you: https://missyumiyang.nl/?p=729
So yes, traditional theories about the fetishization process can help us unpack and understand how our fetishes were created. But only this evolutionary approach, based on the psychosexuality of tapping into ancient human drives, can promote sexual fulfillment and greater happiness in life. It also contributes to the rich diversity of human sexual expression in a modern societal context. Maybe if more women bathed in camel’s milk to sensually delight their men, their men would in turn build palaces for them.
